I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm like, not good at living.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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