The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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