i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
