she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he puts the penis in happiness.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
