Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
