drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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