how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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