My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
