Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
