How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
