I accidentally had phone sex last night
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize