IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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