well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
