I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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