I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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