Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
