Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Even my vagina gasped.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
