Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize