I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
