i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize