Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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