So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
