We won't sleep together?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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