no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
