shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
