But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
