she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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