and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Lo siento on account of my penis...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
