So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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