Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
