woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
