her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
