I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
