why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
