The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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