OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
