life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I deserve this hangover.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I wear drunk well.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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