So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
