508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
