So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
