she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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