haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
