I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
