id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
