Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize