Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
