I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
