You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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