On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
