If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
