I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
