Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
