I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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