if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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