why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The uberlube is also flammable
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
