Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Duck Duck Cougar?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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