I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
