I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Randomize
