also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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