she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
