the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
