my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i need some magic done to my vagina
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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