A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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