New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
