I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
