I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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