I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
