He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
