Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
