She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
40s are totally the cure
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
