I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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