I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
