Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
