Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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