Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
