worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
