Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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